What if the secret to a strong, lasting relationship wasn’t in grand gestures, but in the small, everyday moments?
According to relationship expert Dr John Gottman, the ability to recognise and respond to bids for connection is one of the strongest indicators of long-term relationship success.
What Are Bids for Connection?
A bid is any verbal or non-verbal attempt to connect with your partner. It could be:
💬 “How was your day?”
👐 A gentle touch, smile, or playful nudge
❤️ A shared glance or inside joke
When we turn towards these bids—by acknowledging or engaging with them—we strengthen trust and intimacy. But when bids are ignored or rejected, frustration and emotional distance can grow.
Bids Can Happen Anytime—Even in Conflict
Bids don’t only occur in positive moments. During conflict, bids show up as repair attempts—phrases like “I see your point,” “Can we take a break?” or even “I love you.” Recognising and accepting these bids can de-escalate tension and rebuild connection.
Why This Matters
Gottman’s research shows that couples who regularly turn towards each other’s bids feel more connected, resilient, and emotionally secure in their relationship. Even if you can’t respond every time, making consistent efforts helps strengthen your bond.
Reflection
Think about your recent interactions—have you noticed your partner’s bids for connection? How often do you turn towards them? Could responding differently deepen your connection and improve your relationship?
📖 Source: The Gottman Institute
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